Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
