She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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