There was a lot of him and a little penis
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
