He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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