Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
