there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
