Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
