The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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