Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
