Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I could have mohawked her pubes.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
