I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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