listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
