We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
