At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
