I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
