haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
