I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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