some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We are all done wearing pants today
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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