i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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