Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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