That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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