She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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