Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
