Pants 0. Shit 1.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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