That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
