I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
