U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
