Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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