he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
