you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just cropdusted the office
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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