his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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