We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
