my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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