Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
