sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
