I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
