what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
