Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
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Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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