hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
