my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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