hotel room ftw
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
