I want to make a zoo with you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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