i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
