My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
