um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize