I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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