**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think people are normalizing furries
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
