I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
