Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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