Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
