I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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