My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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