I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
