he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
