You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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