we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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