Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
