i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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