we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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