Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
