You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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