It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
