I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
