My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
