that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
