so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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